Lately I’ve been doing battle. I’ve been slaying dragons.

There are different species and they’ll never die, but nevertheless I’m locked in endless battle with them. One of my futile wars is waged against the anti-vaccination dragons, impossible to slay since they are deaf and blind to conventional weaponry (objective facts). Other hellbent species I can’t seem to ignore include the thin-skinned ammosexual (growing population, in great need of amendment), climate change deniers (barely keeping their noses above a rising flood of facts contradicting their dogma), and the 1% tax cutters (who never got the memo that repeating something that has failed twice and expecting it to succeed is the definition of… well… the GOP economic plan).

The dragons will be there when I get back. Time for a break

I don’t normally indulge in this– more fun to ridicule conspiracy theorists than to be one–  but the idea of this is just too good.

So here’s my conspiracy theory. It’s based solely on pure conjecture and handwriting on the wall, and also that Donald Trump seems to have deep business involvement in Russia. He also says some weirdly glowing nice admiring things about Vladimir Putin. When I add all that up, my crystal ball and voodoo chicken bones say Putin and Trump cooked up a plan to use Russian intelligence to hack into Democratic National Committee emails (Debbie Wasserman Schultz), and Hillary’s personal emails for use by the Trump campaign.

This would be a colossal crime, it would be Watergate to the 10th power. Not perpetrated by inept Washington burglars, but by Russian agents, taking orders from the Russian president— in cahoots with the Republican presidential candidate.

But of course that would never happen. Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are men of character, the sorts of people who would never stoop to such immoral and illegal behavior. I mean that would be like invading a foreign country. Like invading Crimea and Ukraine. Who would do such a thing.


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